Friday, July 07, 2006


We open with Bill Duke (oh wow I thought he was only in Predator) stealing a Cadillac, and then we go to Arnold.

Our initial shot of him is... a bicep. And another bicep. Then him walking. Then both biceps in unison on screen while he's carrying a tree and a chainsaw.

There's a montage during the opening credits with him and Alyssa Milano, to try to show that they have a relationship, and that he is training her to be a Commando.

It's near the end of the movie, and I haven't yet figured out if Matrix was in the British military, or if they just used the word commando because it sounded sexy and to refer to his badassedness. Oh, and it kinda rhymes with Rambo!

He fell from a plane taking off, and going at least 150 mph, and fell straight down to land softly in a swamp. Awesome.

That Porsche sure did get repaired quickly between him flipping it off its side, and driving away in it.

Bill Pullman is in this movie! It's a cinematic masterpiece.

Wait... NOW we see Alyssa Milano? It's been over an hour since the opening montage with the ice cream and katas.

Watching movies on AMC sucks, because they cut out a lot of important footage. Yeah, gratuitous violence isn't a necessary part of film, but the flow of a movie based on it is disrupted to the point of ridicule when you remove it.

Arnold has more bullets than Chow Yun Fat.

Talk about an actor not caring about a job. A bad guy with a gut? Come on now, at least he'd have biceps like Arnold. Nope! He's just a sloppy British dude whose chain mail and knife are supposed to turn into a dangerous villain. If I were in a movie with Arnold I'd have been working out 12 hours a day for a year to get into good shape. At least make it convincing.

Oh no. He's a horrible actor too. He's supposed to have an erection when Arnold is convincing him to knife-fight instead of just shoot him. What a professional.

And now they want us to believe that he's within 20% as strong as Arnold.

OK, that's a bizarre ending.

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